10 seconds in time...with "show not tell"

5/9/2017

10 seconds in time...with "show not tell"

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Lets combine the last two writing skills we've been practicing!

Write about an exciting moment, a story climax! It should cover only ten seconds in time. Review your past posts if you're having trouble.

You must include some descriptive writing that not only has some similes, but also some real "SHOW NOT TELL" writing!

26 Comments

Ben

5/10/2017 14:40:58

The water slide
I looked down it was at least 500 steps to get up I kept on thinking of things that could happen up here then it was suddenly my turn to go on I stepped on ahhhhhhhhh! In the blink of an eye I was in the pool and I didn’t think it would be that scary! Then I had to go home.

celina

5/11/2017 13:44:43

Ben were was this water slide at?

Lars

5/11/2017 13:17:37

The Nerf game

“VVVVVVVV eeeee”. I heard a nerf gun’s engine roar to life. Me and my team winged it and when we see a foe we shoot crazily. Sometimes we actually unload our darts on a teammate like a person dumping water on someone. It was like I was in a movie. The game was over fast but it was fun.

Ben

5/11/2017 13:42:03

That was awesome Lars! the sound effect was really good and the part were you shoot crazily was funny!

Sadie

5/11/2017 13:46:33

Lars I really like your similes also it sounded like you had a fun time

Zahraa Ali

5/11/2017 13:49:47

Lars I loved the fact that you used these types of similes they are great! These similes help me visualize your writing.

Allison

5/11/2017 13:18:06

Go Ahead And Smack It!

SMACK! I jumped in the air and smacked the ball and hit the ball over the net. Like the volleyball was in mid air soaring in slow-motion as the ball drifted past me. I could see the light from the inside of the volleyball, sort of like that I have superpowers, the type that I could see through walls or something like that. The volleyball hit my cousin’s side. “NO! I LOST AGAIN!!!” My cousin yelled, frustrated. “Sorry, dude. It’s just the way it is.” I said calmly to my cousin as I giggled under my breath. When I came over to whisper something in my cousin’s ear, he said; “You’re breath smells horrible, like the kind of trash breath.” He chuckled. “Hey!” I said. Than, I lightly punched my cousin’s arm. Than, we both burst laughing. We were in my cousin’s backyard. There was a million crawling like there was going to be an insect invasion. The basketball hoop was as high as two big lights connected together. The basketball bounced up. I looked up at the sky. It took a few seconds until the basketball stopped completely. I closed my eyes. Today was the day I will never forget.

Joseph Nguyen

5/11/2017 13:25:48

I was sitting in the trunk waiting for the fireworks to show with my parents. Then right as I thought fireworks blew up in the skies. It seemed like it was brighter than the sun. As I looked up the whole sky looked like there was a million stars in the sky. As the fireworks got louder and louder bigger and bigger I knew that was the best 4th of July I will ever have.

Allison

5/11/2017 13:31:32

Great job Joey! I can actually see that happening in my head!

Mackenzie

5/11/2017 13:27:01

The land was magical. The grass was as green as nature, the blue sky are as beautiful as a girl in her prom dress. The sun was as bright as the light by the moon. As I turned around, I was a FAIRY! I DREAM CAME TRUE FOR THE FIRST TIME! I flew up at the sky. My hair flow like the wind itself. My eyes glowed in the sun. I flew to the flowers. My hand landed on this rainbow flower. I felt like a little girl touching a flower pedal for the first time! The sky was turning dark. I flew to the water. I touched the ice cold moist with my bare hands, I could feel something tugging on me. All of a sudden I was in the water, I going deeper and deeper into the darkness. I try to use my wings but they were useless now! I go deeper and deeper til I hear a sound that made everything stop in a flash.

Mackenzie

5/11/2017 13:30:26

Oops I made a mistake, It's MY DREAM CAME TRUE!

Lars

5/11/2017 13:39:21

The first view sentences sounded like the book Land of Stories, great job Mackenzie

celina

5/11/2017 13:27:52

Yes it's finally my turn to ride the seven dwarfs mine cave i heard it was the best ride in the park and its line goes on for miles literally. I got on my ride with my dad and we went up very slowly. So slow that a snail can be faster. When we got on the top we whooshed down so fast that you can't even say seven dwarfs mine cave twice before the rides finish. I heard so many yelling and high pitched screams that sounded likes nails on a chalkboard. When i got of the ride i said can we go again so loud that the whole place could hear it. Would you ride the seven dwarfs mine cave?

Lars

5/11/2017 13:41:37

Great similes and if I went on the ride I would scream so loud that the windows will break

Sadie

5/11/2017 13:30:06

I opened the door and kicked off my shoes as fast as a race car. I ran as fast as I could and hugged my uncle in joy . I then started to hug my cousin and aunt who I saw 2 months ago. I was so happy I could make the whole world sad. I then asked my uncle how the army has been and he said it has been a lot of work. I didn't feel like 2 years it felt more like 6 years since he left for the army. I was so happy i was speechless. I wonder how hard it has be for my cousin. Later that night Everybody was outside looking up at the sky when I realized I am so grateful I got to see my uncle.

Lars

5/11/2017 13:44:16

Wouldn't it make more sense to say I was so happy that I could make the whole world happy?

Aidan

5/11/2017 13:30:40

I could hear his paws coming up the stairs! My family and I were waiting like an impatient animal. As soon as the door opened we all ran to him! We all stood and were cried so hard I swear waterfalls were coming out of our eyes! We finally saw him after five weeks of training we finally saw him! As we petted him and hugged him we were all thinking about the major responsibility that we all have to commit to.

5/11/2017 13:34:21

They were shoving and pushing. Everyone was screaming and I didn’t know what was going on. It was like a chaos!Then I realize that they came to have a bet to see who’s going to buy the beautiful and unique flower. While I was trying to sprint out of the chaos. I got knocked over by someone but didn’t know who. I felt like it wasn’t one person but an entire crowd came rushing through. I got push so hard that I fell head first. I was blacked out after that and I felt like I lost my mind. Everywhere I look I keep seeing black. The last thing I remember was being push….
All of a sudden“AHHHHHH!!!!!!” I Screamed!!!!
I settled down but something was strange. I was sitting on my bed screaming. I realize that it was just a nightmare….

Lars

5/11/2017 13:49:34

Why did you make the flower so unique it would attract crowds?

Lydia

5/11/2017 13:35:00

I was in line to ride the Yankee Cannonball ride at Canobie Lake Park.I was so excited to ride the it! I was so eager I screamed in my head as loud as I could that I almost broke my brain! Once I got on the ride I was ready as a competitor ready to beat the other team. When the roller coaster started going I was so excited! The at the very top it stopped then we went blasting down! We went up and down about ten times! My chest was going up and down too! I was so fun!

Zahraa Ali

5/11/2017 13:37:06

When I got off the bus I was feeling fine when I came home I was also feeling fine at night when I was going to bed I felt electricity in my veins, then with a blink of an eye I float up in the sky of the night
and I am glowing for 3 minutes. Everyone saw and on their faces was a shocked sign like they were in a whole new world! I came down and saw my new transformation. I had thought in my head either I was going to destroy the world or save it. Now I was very scared because of the new me. I will have to keep this as a secret and risk my life to fight bad people! But I try to keep this thought someplace else. This way I will not have to keep thinking about this constantly.

Chloe L

5/11/2017 13:39:14

Chocolate Chip Waffles!!
Mmmm.. whatever this is, this smells like heaven! I jumped out of my bed with my unicorn onesie and ran as fast as a cheetah downstairs to see what that wonderful smell was. Once I got to the dining room, my eyeballs literally popped out of my mind. I gasped. There was my favorite Chocolate chip waffles sitting right there on the table!! Cause who in the world doesn’t like those? That’s what I would like to know. I ran over to the fridge and opened it. “Whipped cream, syrup, chocolate and butter”! I exclaimed. I putted a lot of whipped cream, drizzled some syrup, put some chocolate around it and placed the butter right in the middle. YUM. This was delicous! The chocolate melted in my mouth and it was even with whipped cream too! Even better!“Mmmmmmm, this is life”I said as I smiled big.

Nolan

5/11/2017 13:40:27

GO!! Max and Bob are fencing for the olympic gold medal at the 2200 summer olympics. They go at each other likes bullets. CLASH! CLANG! Each sword block the other but sound like a drum. Max softly taps Bob with the fencing sword. Max wins! Max runs to his family who celebrate with him. Bob looks shocked that he got second and not first. Then both get medals and go home with an reward.

Ben

5/11/2017 13:49:13

Good job Nolan I like the names of the characters and also how the sword sounded like a drum!(-:

Lais

5/11/2017 13:44:35

Chocolate chip pancakes!

Sniff sniff “Mmmm!” I jumped out of bed with my wonder woman onesie. I went out so fast I felt like I was a real superhero! “Good morning Wonder Woman!” Said my mom . “Here are your chocolate chip pancakes!” WOW that smelled so good it was like I was in a flapjack castle. (If that was such thing.)
I sat in the kitchen table to eat my delicious breakfast. When I add the syrup it went down s-l-o-w-l-y. I picked up the blintz.
The chocolate was so warm it started to melt. I fell back on my chair “UNBELIEVABLE!” “Okay okay Lais your brother is sleeping. “Remember that time you were making too much noise then he woke up bleak. “That wasn’t a good morning. But mom you should make crepe everyday.

Adi

5/11/2017 13:47:35

When I got a new game for xbox my heart was racing as fast as a Buggati. I was so happy that I ran and gave my mom a hug. After that i went on I was so happy that I couldn’t resist my smile.

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10 seconds in time...with "show not tell"

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